News I can't share

I have news. News I can't talk about. But in about a week I'll be able to.

But it's got me thinking about how sometimes we don't realize how important something is to us. We get tangled in all kinds of other considerations, missing the things that matter. In that tangle we can't see anything because everything is far in the distant. You end up making bets based on trajectories and predictions. You misidentify emotions, you ignore misgivings, you trudge to the next place, convinced it's right.

Even if it isn't.

________

Stephanie and I were riding a few days ago and I said "Sometimes I miss Smokey, but then when I'm on the trail with Lily I realize how relaxed and enjoyable this is, to be able to ride without worrying about what might happen." Given that Smokey had bolted on the trail a few times, it had taken the joy of riding right out of me.

We rode up some parts of the little trail we hadn't been on before, just up and down a rise or two. Then we got to the little hill on the trail that we always canter up. But this time we didn't canter. Lily and I didn't gallop either. She ran, full out, and the laughter bubbled up and out like fountain, clear and cool, and suddenly I felt what Lily, who loves to run, felt.

It feels incredible to run and leave 'em in the dust.

It's like the news I can't share. When you finally arrive to where you are going, you are often taken aback when you discover how close it's been all along.