Saturday, October 15, 2011
I have no idea where this is from, or who the child is, but it makes me beam.
Now for something off topic.
During our very difficult time (of which elements continue, of course), everything felt like it was on fire, burning all around me, burning to the ground. Everywhere I turned things that I had worked for over decades turned to ashes at our feet.
At one point, when I was walking through the house late at night I felt there was only one thing left I had control over.
I could wait for happiness to come on the heels of some change in fortune or I could try to grow it in this rubble. I worked on finding positive things, even if they were extremely slight. I downloaded the "optimist's creed" and taped it to my mirror.
But every day the creed was there on my mirror. I'd take one line and try to live it during the day. I found it was harder than I thought to keep to it, and I failed often. Yet it was still there on the mirror the next morning.
After about 3 months I started to feel different. It wasn't always easier, but deeper. It didn't feel as forced, thnking and being positive came much easier.
Then in small ways our lives turned around. Very small things at first, the equivalent of finding a few extra dollars in life's sofa cushion. Happiness showed up unexpected around corners. And then the big change when DH landed work.
What I realize is that the job, while a blessing, is not our source of happiness. No question that it relieves the pressure, but the happiness arrived before the job.
The next step on the journey slowly bloomed. I recently decided that it is my role in life (well one of them) to spread joy. Sure I have a humor column and that's a start. But I've been (obnoxiously at times) working on finding ways to bring joy to people. Making the guy on the phone at the pharmacy laugh. sending thank you notes. Calling colleagues to check on their family. You know, daily nice things, hoping it'll be a brighter point in someone's day.
Not changing the world, not yet. But working from the inside out.
I've taken this approach with my horses too. I've presumed that they too could use some joy. It's not about cookies, it's mostly taking time, trusting my instincts, and becoming more quiet, gentle and consistent.
The change there has been gradual too. Only recently have I been able to even become aware of the shift. I don't have a name for it, but I know one thing.
It sure is more fun.