Sunday, October 4, 2009

Shaken up

They say when you take your horse into a new and potentially stressful situation, you'll find any holes you've got with that horse.

I found the Grand F#@#ing Canyon this weekend.

I'm not real excited to even write about it yet, it's still a little too raw for me. I didn't get hurt, didn't get bucked off, didn't hurt anything but my pride.

And I didn't ride to Conception on a horse. Because my horse wouldn't listen to me. But would listen to a better, tougher rider.

It has shaken me up pretty badly. I'm looking back at my journey over the last 2 years and wondering if I'm suited for this.

Maybe some people just don't have the right nature for working with horses, and maybe I'm one of those people.

Maybe some people are dog people, not horse people.

More details tomorrow. I still am not in a space to share. Still angry, sad, defeated, etc.

Tonight I'm going to continue the soul searching.


restoration42 said...

I know you will find the best path through this time of doubt. Just to let you know . . . weekly I wonder how I ever thought I could do the job I do (and really love) and after I hang with just not knowing what to do in a particular situation, my inner clouds lift, my humility is deepened, and I move forward. There are times with my horses I question that I ever thought I could return in my 50's to this that I love best of all . . . then it passes (until next time) and I move forward. It took me a full year with Red to start to scratch the surface of trust and partnership. Ya should have seem some of OUR doozies. Those were the days I didn't know about blogs. I am so glad I persevered.

Anonymous said...

Just breathe . . . I've been there myself, many times. Thinking good thoughts for you. Every horse has holes in its training, and it's not the horse's fault that they're there. Sometimes getting where you want to do takes longer than you'd want, but focus on the bits that are right and think about how to improve the bits that aren't. Good luck, and breathe . . .

Nuzzling Muzzles said...

Two years seems like a lot of time to be working with horses, but I guarantee you that ten, twenty years down the road you'll still have days or weeks in which you doubt you should be working with horses. Just imagine life without them. When I do that, I think how bored I would be.

Flying Lily said...

Whatever it was, time and reflection can turn it around into something to learn from. I say that based on my own experiences of humiliation, defeat, dust-eating, tears in the tackroom, and more. Horses really do a number on us. But like NuzzlingMuzzles said, what would we do with all that time and money if we didn't have them??! And just think how big our egos might get. :)

Unknown said...

I don't know what happened yet but please don't be too hard on yourself. Your boy is still adjusting to a new home, new human etc etc etc. My Mio was a *beginner's* trail horse before I got him and he went balistic the first time I took him out on a small group trail ride. I had only had him four months, he had made a huge change in his life and herd, and the trust just wasn't there between us yet. Hang in there and when you're ready, share the experience. Talking about it always takes away some of the power. Carmon

Laughing Orca Ranch said...

Uh Oh.....I read a little of what happened to you from a comment you left on another blog. Yikes. I've experienced that sort of ride twice now. Not fun!
Of course, to give your horse some creidt, with that many riders and horses and a new place, it had to have been quite overwhelming for him. And you haven't yet taken him out alone or in smaller riding groups all that often since he came to live with you. So, don't be all that hard on him and especially yourself.

I know that sounds weird coming from me, because I am right where you are. For now, horses are just pets in my life. I love having my own horse and I love being around horses, but riding? I just don't have it in me yet after what happened.
I've also come to realize I have many other interests, too, and I want to enjoy them, too.

A lot of deep soul searching is all that we can do...