Friday, October 9, 2009

Trusting my gut and toughening up.

The plan today was a lesson and trail ride, but it's pouring.

But I've been thinking (I can already hear Frankie groaning. You're right, Frankie. Thinking is getting me tied up in circles.).

I have a goal. I need to know where the lines are.

I feel like I did when I was a new mom and every situation seemed overwhelming. I had so much information I was only missing my kid's DNA sequence. Advice from PHDs, SHM (stay at home moms), relatives, total strangers, talking heads on TV. It was paralyzing. It occured to me that it was so easy to do things wrong. I was sure if I overreacted I'd create a monster, and if I underreacted I'd create a needy, neurotic kid.

Of course, I've probably created both, but I have been investing in a therapy fund so they can work it out for themselves later. I've written "Hey, I tried" on the envelope.

Hopefully they'll have a sense of humor.


I'm looking for a scale of some sort. Where should the needle be?

In Kate and Rudy (Trailrider)'s exchange of comments on the previous post I found myself agreeing with both of them and understanding that I've got to do a bit of both: trust my gut and be firm/strong. What's interesting is Rudy found with Vaquero he needed to lighten up. I think with Cibolo I need to toughen up, but not past the point where I lose that "feel" that Kate talks about so eloquently on her blog.

Cibolo is not like Canyon, he has a sweet side but is not really fearful. That situation outstripped his general nature and required additional intensity of leadership I'd never established. I think of it as what is required of people in an emergency. Smoke everywhere, sirens, you are coughing up a lung and what you seek is someone to yell firmly "Over here! Now! It'll be safe!" not someone who says "if you come over here, I've got a cookie..."

Not that I'm making my horse human. But I'm a metaphor person, so it's how I think...

It's supposed to clear this afternoon. . .


Unknown said...

Good for you! I always say 'you get the horse you need', meaning you learn something from every horse who crosses your life. Canyon taught you worlds of knowledge and now Cibolo will teach you more. I think a year from now you will look back at these series of posts and be amazed at how far you and Cibolo have come together. Carmon

Anonymous said...

Sounds like a plan - and you'll have to feel your way through it and make changes as you go - but having a plan is the first step. There's an old post of mine that you might find interesting - maybe you've read it already:

Looking forward to hearing more!

Chelsi said...

It is so tough to find that middle groud...if you are like me then you dont ride so that you can be the hard ass, die hard control freak...I am up there because I love it and want to enjoy the time with my horse. I guess the reality is that we need to be tough before we can be easy. Some people seem to really get a power trip from controling their horses every move where as some of us are too easy going and become push overs. There has to be a middle ground. I'm sure I'll find it one day:)

Unknown said...

It's true, I don't want to be a control freak, and I'm feeling like I'm back at school with this situation. Hopefully I won't spend the whole semester with Cibolo in detention. :)

I read the post Kate suggested, it bears re-reading and re-reading.

Why is the middle always harder than either edge?

restoration42 said...

"That situation outstripped his general nature and required additional intensity of leadership I'd never established."

In such a short time you've moved from hanging up your boots to a crystal clear analysis of the situation. Love it! When I was just mortified and groaning to myself about my buddy sour boy on his first mega trail ride with 175 other equines, I listened to a man talking about how he was training his young cow-horse-to-be. He wanted her to tolerate leaving other horses with no fuss, whenever he asked her. He kept riding her in short forays away from the group - off to the side, in the opposite direction, every which way. I borrowed this strategy with Red, whenever in a group, first in small steps away, then a few yards, then a long way. His tolerance grew and grew over the summer. Don't know if this even falls close to what Bo needs, but I do know that whatever it takes, you will find it.