Friday, July 23, 2010

Karma

Karma is an interesting thing.

I'm a big believer that experiences come into your life for reasons you can't always understand. Often, it's not until the very end that you get a glimpse of the meaning that was hidden in the folds of the experience.

In the case of my journey with Cibolo, today I found out why I'm on this journey with this horse.

I was holding him for someone special.

Just not me.

Do you remember this? The note from Cibolo?


It was from Stephanie. And, starting Sunday, Cibolo will be hers. As I told her, "He always liked you better than me."

She's got the firm approach he needs. And somehow she's always seemed to build his confidence. And she loves him.

Now she's ready, finally, for a horse of her own.


............


I realized, after reading so many stories from so many with much more experience than I have, that what I was going through was not really unusual. It wasn't anything to feel ashamed of, or to feel like I was "wimping" out.

Every story shared was powerful. But one question that Aarenex asked just kept ringing in my head:

Ask yourself: Do you envision C, 10 years hence, having been perfectly trained for the event, standing at the start line and eager to go forward for 50 miles of tough terrain?

I closed my eyes and I thought of Cibolo. In ten years we'd go through a lot together. We'd probably find a way between us for him to trust me, and me him. We'd be at the start of an endurance race.

And he'd be dreading it.

It hit me like a ton of bricks. This really isn't his thing. He'd do it. Because he is a good horse overall. But we're not a good match - not in expectation (from both of us), not in interests.

I've been on two horses who loved to hit the trail. You can see it in everything they do as they head out. They couldn't wait to leave the barn, to move into a new place. They were bored to death in the arena and only did the work there because they had to. It was Spirit and Woody.

And while Cibolo is not spooky and a decent trail horse, the energy of those big trail rides is very overwhelming and anxiety producing.


So, at the cost of my ego, the cost of one darn fine saddle that I imagine will probably not fit another horse, and for the sake of both of us, I'm letting him go. To the person who I just know he belongs to.

Just like with Canyon, I feel like I'm sending this horse back home - to his heart home.


............

Speaking of karma, I numbered all 31 individuals who posted over this journey. And when I win the lottery we're all going to go riding in Ireland.

But until then, I can only draw one winner. Jill, from Buckskin and a Bay was selected by random number generator (because you can find anything on the Internet).

..........

Karma continues - I got a sweet award from Nuzz - Girl, I'm getting on that this weekend. It's so wonderful, and I'm with you, I wondered where all the viral awards had gone.


.................


Thank you for all your support over the last few months. I know I'll find the right horse. I just don't know when.

And frankly, I'm pretty gun shy.



But I'd be lying if I didn't say I hadn't been looking.





14 comments:

Katharine Swan said...

I'm glad you found the solution for Cibolo! Yay!

Also, I am not very observant and can't remember if your blog header has always been this way, but I just noticed it tonight and wanted to tell you that I really like your logo!

Nuzzling Muzzles said...

End of another chapter. It sounds like an overall happy ending, though. Perhaps you can start going to endurance races and asking around if anyone has an experienced endurance horse for sale. But first take a breather.

Maia said...

This is going to sound a little new agey and silly, but as my niece would have said when she was five, "try it, you never know unless you try."

Tomorrow night is full moon. Wright down everything you want your perfect endurance horse to be, don't leave anything out. Then fold up the paper and put inside a tinfoil envelope. Just tear off a square and fold itl. Then go outside look up at the moond and say, "I know your outthere somewhere and I am going to find you in however long you want the looking to take.

Then go around to the front of your house, walk in the front door, in the extreme right corner of your house is the area for helpful people, put your envelope there. If it's in a coat closet, that's great. If it's not, put a rock over your envelope. And get ready to find your horse.

This is a feng shue cure that has helped friends sell houses, find jobs, husbands, contractors, even helped one friend of mine hit the right slot machine at the casino. I don't see why it wouldn't help you find the right horse.

One Red Horse said...

Best wishes to Cibolo! Knowing how to end well is a rare art that takes vision and courage.

I love Maia's idea. Maybe your blog will be another place to list your preferences.

Wolfie said...

I am glad that it has worked out for you and for Cibolo. You know the person he has gone to and know that he will be loved and taken care of. That's a relief.

Crystal said...

Oh Im so glad, both you and Cibolo will probly be happier now, and I am sure there is a perfect horse out there for you to find.

Miles On Miles said...

Wow, what a great ending to owning a horse. He's with someone you KNOW loves him and gets along with him...it doesn't get better than that:) Congratulations, and best of luck searching for your new partner.

Melanie said...

{{HUGS}} I think that you made the right decision........

Melanie

jill said...

I know it's hard, but it will be great when you find "the" one. Take your time. I looked at lots of horses(a year and a half)before I found Scout.
C is lucky that you have a heart big enough to let him go.
Oh, and I'm soooo excited! How cool! I'll send you my address!
Thank you!

Laughing Orca Ranch said...

I'm glad everyone is being so supportive and understanding about you giving up Cibolo. As you probably remember I was given a hard time and a guilt trip by a blogger or two for rehoming my beloved first horse Baby Doll, even though it took me over a year and two injuries caused by her, to finally release her to her new owners. I felt so hurt when one blogger even told me that I didn't care about my horse and wasn't taking good care of her for considering finding her a different home.
Most folks were understanding, though. Because, for us loving and caring horse owners, we know how hard it is to say goodbye, even when we know it was never a good match.....and we are only a stepping stone in our horses' lives.

Good for you spending so much time agonizing over what is right for you and right for Cibolo. It's never a good thing to be a bad relationship where one or the other is unhappy.
And how wonderful that you know his new owner so well, too. You'll be able to keep in touch and visit from time to time.

When you find the right horse, you'll know it, just like I knew it when I found Apache and got to know her a little while, before I purchased her.
Now I know she is my heart horse and here with me and my family is where she is supposed to be.
I can't even imagine my life without her.

~Lisa

~Lisa

Carol said...

Reading this has clarified my thinking re my Appaloosa, Dan. I'm very interested in dressage. He isn't. He hates ring work, but loves trails. I haven't been appreciative enough of his good qualities. He's the only horse I've ever been on who resists turning to head for home. He wants to keep heading out, no matter what. Given that I'm fortunate in having another horse to do dressage with,I'm going to start working with Dan's strong points. I like trails too and have been ignoring that opportunity. Guess it sounds obvious, but ...
Thanks for the post that made this clear and good luck with finding the right horse. I know you'll succeed.

Kate said...

A very good solution for C and you both - and you did it in a way that will result in a good outcome for both of you. I think you'll find a horse that's a good match for you, but you'll have to kiss a bunch of frogs and hold on to your patience.

Rising Rainbow said...

Sounds like you've found a good solution. Clearly if you're feeling gun shy, Cibolo was not the horse for you. The right horse won't make you gun shy, he/she will remind you every day why it is you love horses so. That day will come for you again.

I'm glad that you have been looking. That means you're not so burned you're going to run. You can try again. That's a good thing.

We hear all the time about people paying their dues in the show world. For me "paying one's dues" isn't just about showing horses. It means going through the learning process it takes to find that great connection with a horse where you are both suited to each other and things click.

I believe you'll get there because I know you want to get there. From what I can tell motivation is the key and you've got that. Enjoy the journey.

allhorsestuff said...

...when you said,"and she loves him".... That made it perfect in my mind and heart.
And so do you, my dear, with that terribly difficult decision. Cibolo will be happy and so will you!

I would make that decision too,(maybe) but my mare is someone that has been in the family for generations..her being a filly of a filly of a filly from my mother's broodmare.
Though I have come so far with her...she still dreads some things I would LOVE to do. I have to choose the right riding partners-still- and she only can handle a certain amount of stimuli, or it's toast!

You are awesome and the right horseface partner is there...waiting for YOU to find them!
Can't wait for the next chapter!
Sincerely,
KacyK