Sir Smokey and the Fire Breathing Dragon

Hi. It's me. Smokey.

Today I have a cautionary
tale for all my fellow horses out there.

Beware the Dragon!!

It wasn't a dragon.

MOM! I thought we agreed I could tell the story.

You are going to freak people out.
Not to mention our horse followers.

Sometimes life is scary. Really scary.
This is a service to my e-herd.

E-herd? Seriously?
Did you just make that up?

We were going to try I-herd, but Lily said it
was too alpha mare.

I can see that.

ANYWAY, back to MY story. I was out on the trail
practicing dragging Lily around.

The correct term is "ponying"

Have you seen the hind quarter on
that mare?

If she's a pony, then I'm a draft horse!

Good point.

Anyway, I was high up on the trail when
I first heard the dragon. It was a terrible sound,
deep and roaring, and verily I say to you
there was even a cursed smell.

Verily? Cursed? Have you been
reading my old sword and
sorcery novels?

Lily was reading something she
called a "bodice ripper." I thought it
was about harness racing.


It was so not.

But I picked up
a few terms here and there.

Oh dear.

Where was I? Oh yeah.

Aye, the smell was terrible,
like a hoof burning. Sure, it was hot out,
but not that hot out.

Of course I was on high alert since we
have interlopers in the barn.

They are here for training, remember?

They are interlopers. I saw one of them
eating from MY HAY BALE.

We have dozens of hay bales.
How do you know they ate yours?

Silly. They are ALL mine.

Anyway, the smell and the roaring
was coming from my barn.

I was eager to investigate.

You could have fooled me.

Eager and cautious.

Like a giraffe.

It's easier to see with my head up like that.

Finally I convinced mom that we should head in to investigate.
The roaring was deafening! There was the sound of grinding
of bones too. I feared for our lives, and that of mom.

Still I walked in, courageous horse that I am.

(Refraining from commenting
with great discipline)

The roaring was coming from the lowest part of the beast.
I was right! There was a dragon!

And there, tied to the wall to serve as a sacrifice,
was one of the interlopers!

Too bad for him, but would WE BE NEXT?

I told you, it was a forge. For the black smith.

That's ridiculous. My farrier only uses files and
hammers.

Sometimes they use forges.

It was a dragon!

And now the interloper has it's discarded
teeth on its feet! It must have made some sort of deal! Probably
will lead us all into the dragon's lair later!

(palm to head)

Ahem. Back to the story.

The beast blocked the wash rack and we circled it cautiously...

That's one word for it.

And I got rinsed off within a hoof width of the monster.

It was a truck. The black smith's truck.

Right. With a roaring fire and bone grinder next to it.

Egads, mom, it's amazing you haven't been devoured.

Egads? Egads?
That's it. No more romance
novels for you.

That's fine. I think I need martial arts training anyway.
They have all kinds of dragons in China.

Have you heard of Jackie Chan?

Cibolo says he's got
all the moves.