Monday, August 29, 2011

Sir Smokey and the Fire Breathing Dragon



Hi. It's me. Smokey.

Today I have a cautionary
tale for all my fellow horses out there.

Beware the Dragon!!

It wasn't a dragon.


MOM! I thought we agreed I could tell the story.


You are going to freak people out.
Not to mention our horse followers.


Sometimes life is scary. Really scary.
This is a service to my e-herd.


E-herd? Seriously?
Did you just make that up?


We were going to try I-herd, but Lily said it
was too alpha mare.


I can see that.


ANYWAY, back to MY story. I was out on the trail
practicing dragging Lily around.


The correct term is "ponying"


Have you seen the hind quarter on
that mare?

If she's a pony, then I'm a draft horse!


Good point.


Anyway, I was high up on the trail when
I first heard the dragon. It was a terrible sound,
deep and roaring, and verily I say to you
there was even a cursed smell.


Verily? Cursed? Have you been
reading my old sword and
sorcery novels?


Lily was reading something she
called a "bodice ripper." I thought it
was about harness racing.


It was so not.

But I picked up
a few terms here and there.


Oh dear.


Where was I? Oh yeah.

Aye, the smell was terrible,
like a hoof burning. Sure, it was hot out,
but not that hot out.

Of course I was on high alert since we
have interlopers in the barn.


They are here for training, remember?


They are interlopers. I saw one of them
eating from MY HAY BALE.


We have dozens of hay bales.
How do you know they ate yours?


Silly. They are ALL mine.

Anyway, the smell and the roaring
was coming from my barn.

I was eager to investigate.


You could have fooled me.


Eager and cautious.


Like a giraffe.


It's easier to see with my head up like that.

Finally I convinced mom that we should head in to investigate.
The roaring was deafening! There was the sound of grinding
of bones too. I feared for our lives, and that of mom.

Still I walked in, courageous horse that I am.


(Refraining from commenting
with great discipline)


The roaring was coming from the lowest part of the beast.
I was right! There was a dragon!

And there, tied to the wall to serve as a sacrifice,
was one of the interlopers!

Too bad for him, but would WE BE NEXT?


I told you, it was a forge. For the black smith.


That's ridiculous. My farrier only uses files and
hammers.


Sometimes they use forges.


It was a dragon!

And now the interloper has it's discarded
teeth on its feet! It must have made some sort of deal! Probably
will lead us all into the dragon's lair later!


(palm to head)



Ahem. Back to the story.

The beast blocked the wash rack and we circled it cautiously...


That's one word for it.


And I got rinsed off within a hoof width of the monster.


It was a truck. The black smith's truck.


Right. With a roaring fire and bone grinder next to it.

Egads, mom, it's amazing you haven't been devoured.


Egads? Egads?
That's it. No more romance
novels for you.


That's fine. I think I need martial arts training anyway.
They have all kinds of dragons in China.

Have you heard of Jackie Chan?

Cibolo says he's got
all the moves.


16 comments:

Fetlock said...

LOL. This is hilarious...and I know I'm not the only one in the "e-herd" that will think so! My favorite line is "Silly, they are ALL mine."

Reddunappy said...

LOL Hilarious!!!! LOL

Allenspark Lodge said...

Hi Smokey!

I'm part of your e-herd. Long time reader, first time commenter. I'm glad to see you are taking such good care of odd looking herd member. My flat nosed barn ape, Beel, would never be able to take care of himself without my well reasoned guidance.

Graze on,

Ranger

Margaret said...

Ha ha ha. Very original and funny! Did your horse get shoed by the monster?

Gail said...

There are two sides to every story! I have now heard them both, with enjoyment!

Dan and Betty Cooksey said...

Sounds reasonable to me - at least from Smokey's perspective.

That was hilarious. You have a great sense of humor and I love it.

Dan

Knotty Dogs said...

Hee hee hee! Thanks for the giggle!

Shirley said...

Haha! Smokey, you should read King Arthur. Wait until you see the Lady of the Lake! There are lakes around you I hope, and gorgeous damsels in distress, waiting for a handsome Knight to rescue them? You are so brave!

Laughing Orca Ranch said...

Cibolo? That's a name I've not heard on this blog for quite while. How's the big lug doing anyway?

Fun post. I could So see you and Smokey having that dialogue...verily.

~Lisa

Maia said...

What a stitch. Great post

BrownEyed Cowgirl said...

LMAO...Breathe, you are too much. LOVE hearing stories from Smokey's perspective.

Once Upon an Equine said...

Smokey and the Dragon...isn't there a movie of that name? Starring Burt Reynolds? :-) Smokey, you are the star of this dragon's tale. Glad it didn't incinerate you.

Grey Horse Matters said...

Smokey is a wonderful "story" teller. He should write a book. I'm sure it would be hilarious. Thanks for the chuckle from Smokey's perspective.

John and Regina Zdravich said...

Smokey, you really know how to weave a tale!! But I don't think you have to worry about the Dragon. Have faith in your human!
(Breathe, I laughed a lot at this one! Too clever!)

Jan said...

Oh, my, that is so funny! I laughed all the way through! Thank you for such great humor and writing!!

achieve1dream said...

ROFLOL! That was great!