Wednesday, January 21, 2009

The Tarp That Almost Killed Me - Part 2 By Canyon

(If you missed the first part, go here)

Hi, it's Canyon again. Sorry for the delay in this post. I guess it was the trauma, I guess I have PTSHD (post traumatic stress horse disorder) and needed some time to process.

Where were we? Oh yes. Having narrowly escaped the python that was about to completely wrap itself about our entire riding party, we headed back to the relative saftey of the barn.

I say relative because when a hungry wind is blowing through no place is really safe. I was plodding back, which is necessary because if you start to trot back, which any rational horse would do, then you get turned around and have to go BACK, resulting in significant cookie delay.

We had to make two turns thanks to Mr Ants-in-my-horseshoes Woody. He always starts trotting. Then we have to stop and wit for him to calm down. I really did try to help him out.

"Woody, you have to just think mellow thoughts."

"Woo Hoo! We're going BACK! We're done!"

"Woody, I've been here before. We might go right back in the pasture filled with the tiny rocks and have to run in all these circles and ..."

"Not a chance! We're done! I can tell... Oh, wait... What? Back up? Again? When we are so CLOSE?"

Sigh. He must have had to do 20 circles and 45 back steps.

Anyway we were pretty close to the barn when suddenly it happened! Out of the little square building a LION LUNGED BEHIND ME! No kidding! You could tell because the door on the little building flew open with so much force that it swung.

It had to be a darn fast lion, because I didn't quite see it. Just the little building there, with the door opening and closing a few times.

I was on edge then. I'd scooted my but away from those claws and then, with complete disregard for our safety, was forced to look at the little building and the door.

Where was the lion, you might ask. I was about to find out.

We turned away from the Lion's ... den and took maybe three steps when it happened. The lion leaped off the stack of hay on the other side of the road! Once again I managed to scoot away, lifting my hooves high, preparing to strike the horrible beast.

It had disappeared again.

I asked Woody, who finally arrived at the wash rack if he saw the lion, which I was sure was still lurking around.

"Canyon. There are no lions. Zero. Zip. And I told you we were done!"

"We would have been done 20 minutes ago if you hadn't been trotting! Because of you we had to circle over and over. And if we'd been done I wouldn't have very nearly been KILLED BY LIONS!"

"I was right next to you. There was no lion."

I snorted. "You should thank your lucky stars you've got me around. If I wasn't watching out for your big behind you would have been served up as lunch today. Three times!"

Woody gave a great big shake, which I've learned is his way of expressing gratitude. He has a tough time with showing his emotions. It's a gelding thing.

We headed back to our pasture, almost to safety when I saw it.

The lion was back. It was coiled ready to spring, to satisfy it's desire for Arabian/Paint horsemeat, which had been too often denied. I stood there frozen as I watched mom walk straight towards the lion. I tried to warn her, but she just made those weird soft sounds while right there at her feet...

At her feet...

Was the lion! It flicked its tail and she took it's paw and shook it!

Okay, I know what you're thinking. Mom had obviously become a traitor, a Benedict Arnold, a Brutus to her Ceasar!

Yes, I would have thought the same thing a few months ago. But I've come to accept that she's not an agent of evil.

I think.

Anyway, she kept shaking the paw of the lion until it ever so slowly transformed into a YELLOW CANVAS TARP! Remarkably like the one they cover the hay with so horses can't just grab a bite when they walk by because these poor horses are starving on this 4 flakes at a sitting thing... It was an incredible act of magic, actually. Not many moms can manage it.

So, after I was convinced, thoroughly convinced, that the transformation to tarp was complete, I STEPPED OVER THE LION TARP.

Okay, it took two tries and she had to yank on the rope, just a little. But still.

Needless to say, I got TWO cookies and the colt was very, very, impressed.

Let this be a lesson. When a hungry wind rises and threatens everyone around you...
keep your Arabian/Paint horse inside the barn. It's far too dangerous for most of us... er, them.


Laughing Orca Ranch said...

Hah! This tickled me so much!

Hang in there Canyon. I think the lions have migrated far away now...probably to a dairy farm or something, to get a bowl of milk. lol!!


Melanie said...

Heeheehee!!! At least Canyon figured out that the Lion Tarp is his friend, right??
...No thanks to you or his horsey!!!

Honestly though, it sounds like you are making great strides with Canyon.

d2cmom said...

I read these stories to my husband. He says you should have them published as children's stories.

They have us laughing.

Unknown said...

I'm glad everyone got a laugh out of it. I found it funny even when it was happening. Is that a sign of insanity?