Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Decisions, decisions

I called Cibolo's former owner and we talked for a time.

She said that if he was cooped up he definitely needed to be round penned, and round penned hard. "He was one of my high spirit horses, so I wouldn't pick him to ride if they'd been cooped up."

Hmmm.Well, doesn't quite sound like a quiet one.

I talked to my farrier. Talked to my friends. Read the comments on here.

The truth is I need a horse to rebuild my confidence. It seems to me that this is just getting worse with Cibolo. We've gone from the meltdown in Conception, to a few issues on the trail, and now we've escalated to bucking.

I just can't rebuild on a bucking horse. And yes, maybe he was just hot. But 5 times of blowing me off? And seriously, how am I, in my current state, going to handle getting through this? I'm no trainer. Donna said she considers me an intermediate rider, but given my struggles with fear, this is not helping. I concur. Granted, I didn't get thrown, I rode it out, but he kept doing it, so clearly I'm not getting my point across even if I stay in the saddle.

At the farrier appointment Cibolo nuzzled me and loved on me. But I couldn't bring myself to ride him in the nice sandy arena.

This is not good.

We're talking about one option.

Find him a new home (even in this market it should be easy since I got him so cheap and he has some reining training. He's young, really is broke, just has my number and it'll be a fight to get it back from him). I'll ride Lily, who is my daughter's horse. She doesn't ride much. We'll replace Cibolo with a gaited horse for my husband (who has a terrible back) and the few times my daughter wants to ride, I can ride the gaited horse.

But in this scenario I don't really have my own horse.

Which... feels lousy.

But maybe I need a little emotional distance, just to get back on my feet. Maybe my emotions are keeping me from being more factual about this situation. From being fair to the horse. Does that even make sense?

Lily is a great, safe horse. She's perfectly sound now, thanks to all the money we've put into shoeing and proper vet care. I trust her.

But she's Sierra's horse.


I'm a mess. I'm going to drive myself insane.

FYI: On the Appy - looks like Donna has 6 inquiries already! One from a friend here who would give him a good home and kids to ride him on occasion. The TB looks like it could be selling too.


Renee said...

well what ever happens, im sure will be for the best. *hugs*

Paint Girl said...

This has to be so hard for you!!

I went through that with Fritzy after she dumped me. I didn't know how I was ever going to be able to get my confidence back riding her. But we really bought her for my OH to trail ride on. Since he won't ride in the arena, and he only gets to go trail riding around once a month, I have to do the arena work with her. I personally could have sold her, but my OH loves her and would never sell her. I have been slowly building that confidence back up and I think I have a pretty good handle on it now, 3 1/2 yrs later!

It won't be an easy decision for you, but to be honest, if you aren't comfortable with Cibolo, then you shouldn't keep him. I just worry that keeping him could cause you to not have fun with horses anymore, it will be more like a job, and not fun and exciting. Whatever decision you make, we will be right there with you!

Laughing Orca Ranch said...

I know you know how difficult this decision is because you've already been through this with Canyon. And I know how difficult this decision is for you because of my own experiences with Baby Doll.

My hubby is still pining over Baby Doll being gone. And I'm too sad to even go to the barn to take care of the llamas, goats and sheep. Hubby takes care of them for now, but he was hoping we could have kept Baby Doll for him to ride, even though, in 2 years, he rode her only twice.

Maybe you're onto something about just taking a step back for a while without a 'horse of your own'. That's what I'm doing. I want to find that joy of riding again. The joy that my mare had taken away.

I've decided to keep my eyes open for another horse (keep in mind, I am entirely horseless right now, while you at least have a great confidance builder with Lily), but I'm going to take lessons and ride trails on calm, steady eddie horses and eventually ride some well-trained trail horses at a rental place nearby.

Even though I'm able to keep my own horse at home, it's still cheaper to 'rent' a horse temporarily after I figure in the cost of feed/hay, vet, farrier and time spent daily caring for one.

Oooh yes, I sure do miss owning a horse right now, but I need to take a step back, too, and rebuild my self-confidance, hone my riding skills and strengthen my physical abilities, too.

Most of all I want to be reminded of why I moved forward into horse ownership in the first place.....to ride and have fun!

Whatever you decide to do that's right for you, you know I support you.

Chin up, my friend,

ps Too bad about the appy. I tried calling the number in your previous post yesterday and I ended up with a storage facility. Left a message anyway, but didn;t get a call-back. Must not have been meant to be.....

Cactus Jack Splash said...

I feel for you, been there and the decision is tough.
I am fortunate that I have always had a "steady Eddy" while I have a horse who is still a project. Right now Sir Darby is that steady horse and we were so lucky to find him, worth his weight in gold.
The right horse will come along, until then maybe you can care lease a horse. I used to ride my friends horses every chance I got when I didn't have one I could trust on trails. Worked out well, they didn't have time to ride and I didn't have a horse.
Rebuilding confidence takes time and can only go as fast as you are able to comfortably go. Jack fractured my pelvis last year when he unseated me...long road back for me, but I am back and better for it. You will get there, just don't push too hard because that only makes things worse.

jacksonsgrrl said...

Argh. Yes, maybe some soul searching, but I remember too, I had SO many issues with Jackson and we are now moving ahead. Fear issues are the darn worst. I'm not over all of mine. But they are leaving the building. Give yourself a little time to think things over and don't make a rash decision. Your heart knows what it wants to do. Have a rider who doesn't have these issues with this particular horse get up on him and watch. When I saw someone else on my horse having no issues it helped me a TON and I was like, "Hey, give me my horse back."
I don't portend to know what is right for you, maybe selling him is the right thing to do. Just want to remind you that people do get over their issues on the very horses that helped create them in the first place. You can regain the leadership position. What a hard decision. I actually had Jackson up for sale two and a half years ago, got several replies, and never answered one of them. That was my big indicator. I knew I had a gem. Now you need to figure out the same thing. It is not fun and leaves a sick, sad feeling in your stomach doesn't it? Bring him down here to Pipe Creek/Bandera and we'll let Linda ride him for you if you want. That woman has no fear. And one of her first horses flipped over backwards while rearing many years ago. She got over that, and I'm not sure I wouldn've! You are a better rider than you think you are, so good luck and I'll be thinking about you wishing you the best in whatever endeavor you decide. I know you won't leave the horse scene like you threaten now and then tho. That is frustration forming those words I think. The sickness is in your blood so you may as well face it! Heh heh.

Breathe said...

I really do appreciate everyone's support. I won't give up on horses, I just have virtually no support on this at home and tend to get kicked when I'm down.

I have seen other people ride him. He'll do fine. He's just not the right horse for me right now.

I wonder if any other horse will "talk" to me again.

Susan said...

Do you have a round pen and do you know what you're doing in it? Not to be insulting, but from what I've seen, most don't. Can you keep his attention only on you? Does he hook on? Does he chew and lick his lips? I'd start getting some confidence from the ground and progress to walking and trotting in the round pen when you feel comfortable.

Shirley said...

I think you're doing the right thing, and I know I'd be broken-hearted without a horse. You'll find the right one; just keep an eye on sales, go to shows and horse events; there will be one that catches your eye, and it never hurts to ask if that particular horse is for sale. Let folks know just what you're looking for, horse people are amazing networkers. It won't be long before you have a few to check out. Do your homework- research bloodlines and what temperament is associated with that particular line. For example, a Dos's Hickory bred horse might not suit you, but a Sonny Dee Bar or a Zan Parr Bar might. I hope you find that perfect match- it's out there!

Life at Star's Rest said...

Yes...another horse will talk to you! Just give yourself time. Ride and get confident again. The right horse will come to you all on his or her own. You will have that same moment when you find yourself saying, 'That's my horse! Don't sell him to anyone else.'


Kate said...

Not every horse is the right horse, and a horse that might be the right horse later may not be the right horse now. I'd trust your gut on this one. If you're not having fun (at least most of the time) then there's no point in the whole thing. Different riders need different things in a horse.

Don't worry too much - you really can't make a wrong decision - whatever decision you make will be your own.

Trailrider said...

I agree with Kate, you can't make a wrong decision. It'll be your decision, and that'll be fine.

You know, there's nothing wrong with having a spirited horse, but one does have to acknowledge what you have, and deal with it. My primary mount now is very spirited, and it was a big change from my other mounts, but I've grown to like it. My other horses feel like dead heads in comparison. But if I want the very best from him, I have learned he needs a decent round penning before we ride. I can mount him cold-back, but I know I have to be ready for a few "issues" we'll have to work out on the trail, rather than in the round pen.

I think the horses will "tell you" what they need to be at their best, and we have to listen. And if we can't do that, then that horse relationship is not going to work.

Breathe said...

Hi susan,

actually if you search on you tube for "round penning canyon" and click on nightride you'll see my round penning technique. I've been told I'm solid.

I do think I'm good on the ground. Something comes apart in the saddle. I think he just knows I'm not as confident (I don't mean that badly, he just needs a leader there too, and sense I'm not firm enough).

He does have more spirit and I do like that. But I guess i'm not quite ready for it. I need a break from these particular trials - bucking. Yesh. In a year, I could handle it, but right now, no.

Jocelyn said...

Wow this must be so hard. I sold my " dreamhorse" because she was a bucker, I loved her so much, but that bucking is an huge EFFING issue. Star bucked with me because I wore spurs, so I wont do that again. :)
I cannot abide owning or paying for a bucking bronc. Whats the point?

Please stay safe and sell or trade for a better suited mount. I dont know why I stick with Star sometimes, I just do, Im crazy I guess.

Pony Girl said...

I feel for you. If My Boy's behavior were to go south, I'd probably have to get help from a trainer friend I know, that would be affordable. But if he needed some major help, I'd be up a creek. But I know I would lose confidence big time. He's never done anything really bad or scared me, but, I still worry about it. I do a lot of groundwork over the winter with him, since our arena isn't great for a lot of riding, so I feel that I have his respect pretty well.
I think your plan sounds good. If you've felt you've given it an honest go, then maybe it's time to part ways. Good luck, and keep us posted.