Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Old me, new me

I found pictures of the old me. I was 13. This was my mare, Star.
My Dad took these pictures and he's still my favorite photographer.

As you can see, at one time I had no problem with speed.


Not bad form for a girl who never had a riding lesson.

I've been thinking about what to do next on this journey to make sure I continue to move forward. If you've stuck with me through the ups and downs, you know I had gotten the courage to canter before, but it just seemed to erode.

I want to avoid that this time, because I do feel so much happier. I didn't feel afraid this go round and I want to keep that feeling (the last time when worked back up to cantering I still had the anxiety. I think that's why it didn't "stick". I knew I was still getting too much guff in the saddle from Cibolo but had no clue what I was doing wrong).

Maybe it's a little like riding. If you look at the ground, that's where you'll be, they say.

So I want to look ahead.

The clinic is really pushing me, because I want to be able to do the basics before get there, to be over some fear issues so I can "hear" what the clinician has to teach me. And to do that, I need to move forward a bit more.

I don't think I'll be doing this before April...

(yesh. I'm not even wearing boots. And look at that loose rein!
We should NEVER have sold that mare.)

But I want to accomplish at least one more thing. I want to canter with a group. Last Sunday the trainer was headed out for a trail ride at the lake. During an awkward pause when she mentioned it, she said "I'd invite you, but we're going to be going pretty fast. Trotting and cantering."

Ouch. That smarted. Truth's like that, isn't it? Boy, talk about feeling like the lame little sister all over again.

In two months, I don't want to be the girl you can't invite cuz she can't go fast.

I want to be the girl in front of you, going too fast for you to keep up with.


Okay, maybe not.

But at least cantering with a group of riders. At least that. So, I'm setting that as my next goal. First step towards it is more cantering, more consistent riding (starting Friday, I'm having to travel for the next couple of days), some arena time. Then, I need some riders to help me make the next jump - cantering in a group.

I'm shooting for mid February (I have a long trip at the end of the month). If not, it'll have to wait until mid March.

There. I typed it. That makes it official, right?


Fantastyk Voyager said...

Just remember that the horse ALWAYS stops running, sooner or later.
You've done it before, I'm sure you'll be going fast again before too long. Hang in there.

Pony Girl said...

Those are really great pictures! Do you have them framed? You should have been a jockey! :)
Cantering in a group is okay with me, as long as I'm not in front or in the back. If my horse is second, I'm okay. But I like to canter on the flat, heading up a slight hill.....and if there are no cliffs nearby!
Hope you get a chance to reach these goals!

Paint Girl said...

Loved those pictures of you as a girl!! I remember those days of being young and having no fear. It is so funny how things change when we get older.
I wish you the best with your goals, and I am sure you will conquer them all!

jacksonsgrrl said...

Are you interested in coming on the ride at Bandera 6 Feb? Cantering could be arranged during the second half of the day. So far the group stands at 6-10.

allhorsestuff said...

LOVE your childhood pics!!!
I do remeber the track we had when i was that age and a bit younger...and cantering sometimes galloping around it..and it's downhills and uphills...fearlessly so. When i got older, I thought," How could I have done that?? it is crazy dangerious, what if the horse slides or falls??!!"
Funny how our mortality and sometimes reality gets to us!

You will canter on and it will be the right time..don't rush..the fun and times wait.. just ahead. I have to remind myself of this as i get upset of impatient to do somethings others do all the time...but I need to wait for my horse to be ready.
Waiting for her...it is a good thing-

Cheering for you!
the shadow roll made some new shadows for the mare..she really had to look at things around it!

Leah Fry said...

That's the girl I wanted to be. Unfortunately, I had to wait until middle age. And I might never go that fast, but I can hope.

Anonymous said...

Great pictures! Cantering in a group is a good goal, and you'll get there - you have a good plan!

Trailrider said...

Wow! Awesome pics. Those definitely need framing and display. You are so lucky to have those images as a memory of your youth!

"Ouch" on not being invited to ride with the big boys and girls...But that definitely tells you where you need to be.

Keep cantering! Just become a cantering fool! And you don't have to be "all out" like you are in those pics; just able to canter and keep up with the group. Nothing wrong if wearing a helmet will help you to have confidence to canter in a group; might consider that...We ARE supposed to be wiser now, aren't we?

Stephanie said...

excellent goals! I love the pictures from when you were 13! Just harness that inner girl, put yourself in a safe environment and go for it :) (and don't forget to breath and enjoy!)

Gail said...

You WANT to go fast?! I would be happy if I could just conquer a walk outside the barn lot.

You can do this, if it is what you want, nothing will stop you. Go back to the heart of the girl in these pictures and canter on.

Life at Star's Rest said...

Most of us were like that as kids with no fear! My sibs and I would take our horses down to the end of a hundred acre meadow, then race them back...bareback! We did that over and over again and I wouldn't even think of doing it today.

There comes a time when we become vitally aware of our mortality and certainly your experience with your baby daughter's surgery had to impact you.

It sounds as though you are finding your joy and confidence again and I love being able to watch via your blog!


Wolfie said...

Fabulous pictures! Wow! My goal is to learn to lope by the summer. I try not to force myself on the trail riders here too often, because I know they want to go fast and I hold them back. But I will get there! You actually know how wonderful it feels to canter (I don't really), so it's great that you have something to focus on. You can do it!!

Tammy in TX said...

You know,they say that the first thing to fixing a problem, is admitting you have one. And you have done that already and you are on that road to recovery and flying down the trails with a horse running underneath you.

As for mortality, my saying is this, when we were younger and fell off, we bounced, now that we are older and if was fall off, we just go "splat". LOL So I think everyone that reads your blog, totally understands.

Hang in there girl!

Kristen Eleni Shellenbarger said...

Holy awesome photos!!!!!!! LOVE it!!! :) It's great to have goals..and here's to you getting to it!

Breathe said...

FV: they do stop. I just worry as to how they stop.

Pony Girl: I wanted to be a jockey, then I hit 5'5" in 7th grade and was told that was too tall. LOL.

Paint Girl: Thanks, I think I'm going to hang these in my horse's stall. sort of like a warning.

Mindy - I left you a note, I want to see how I do this weekend.

KK - You're right, I don't have to rush it, I want to keep having fun as I build confidence

Leah - I'm not sure I want to go that fast now. But maybe. :)

Kate - Thanks! Here's to a good plan, well executed

TR - One cantering fool, in development. :)

Stephanie - you're right, she's in there somewhere!

Gail - We gotta get you on a horse, girl.

Carmon - Sometime a sense of mortality is a drag, though. Isn't it? :)

Wolfie - Hopefully by this Summer we'll both have some great loping stories!

Tammy - LOL! Oh, for those days of bouncing!

KES - Thanks, I love the pics, I'm glad they didn't get lost over the years...

Cara said...

When I was 17 I rode a borrowed horse, Lenny. We used to go cantering bareback up and down Sunol Creek with overhanging trees and shade. There was one deep spot where the horses had to swim for a stride if you hit it right. We would get three abreast, heading for the deep spot. Right when we were there, the person is the center would get grabbed by the arms and pulled off their horse's rump as the horse plunged into the hole, then dropped in the water. Getting back on a horse, bareback, in wet jeans is hard!